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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25406017">Waving Through a Window, Suddenly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoonilWazlibMalfoy/pseuds/RoonilWazlibMalfoy'>RoonilWazlibMalfoy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Based on a Dear Evan Hansen Song, Based on a Little Shop of Horrors Song, Blow Jobs, Cross-Generation Relationship, Diagon Alley, HP Cross Gen Fest 2020, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Ice Play, M/M, Masturbation, Peeping, Post-War, Rimming, Severus Snape Lives, Smoking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:20:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25406017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoonilWazlibMalfoy/pseuds/RoonilWazlibMalfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape was alive and free and perfectly satisfied with his life. He stayed away from other people and he did what he wanted. And if he felt like he was looking through a window at everyone else, that was alright, because he didn't need them anyway.</p><p>Until Harry Potter moved in across the street, that is. Suddenly, just looking through the window wasn't enough for Severus anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>HP Cross Gen Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. No Slipping Up if You Slip Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had so much fun with this prompt! I know that it was meant to be inspired by one musical song, but the idea came to me and wouldn't let go, so this is Snarry inspired by two musical songs: Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen and Suddenly, Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors. </p><p>Huge thanks to Defenestration for a very cool prompt, to BDSM for being an incredible and patient beta, and to the Cross Gen Fest Mod for this amazing fest!</p><p>Prompt S22: Snarry inspired by a musical song.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A group of children ran, laughing, down Diagon Alley. </p>
<p>Severus Snape watched them, leaning against the wall of his shop as he exhaled a cloud of smoke into the air above his head. Hidden as he was in the shadows of the awning, he wondered idly if he'd ever been as carefree as those children, their hands clutching bright orange bags from the Weasley's joke shop. "Highly unlikely," he internally scoffed. </p>
<p>From an early age, Severus had learned to hold parts of himself back. If his father's fists hadn't been enough to teach him that valuable lesson, then certainly the schoolyard taunts of the Gryffindors at Hogwarts were. And if not that, surely the disgust he'd seen in Dumbledore's blue eyes when he'd begged him to save his only friend had taught him. Hell, the contempt that he received from the wider wizarding world, even after he'd received an Order of Merlin for his role in the war, had trained him well. </p>
<p>He was not a particularly likeable man and he knew it. He was clever and he was curious and he was innovative. He knew himself well enough to point out all of his best qualities, but he tended to lead with the worst parts of himself when it came to interacting with other people. So, he had learned to stay in the shadows, where dungeon bats like him belonged. </p>
<p>This, his new lot in life, worked for him better than anything ever had. He was free to brew his potions, free from teaching dunderheads, free from all the lies and manipulations. He brewed potions and he sold them. People may not like him, but he had taught many of them or else he had taught their children; they knew he was more than competent enough to make the things they needed despite the shortcomings of his personality. And so they handed over their gold even as they glared at him. </p>
<p>He lived in a small flat above his shop and he brewed in the basement below it; the cool stone walls there were reminiscent of the less-than-happy home he'd had at Hogwarts for so many years. The smell of ingredients still clung to his dark robes at all times and his hair was still greasy and lank from potion fumes, a dark curtain he could hide behind. He had no interest in changing anything about himself. If he was exactly as they all expected him to be, they'd have no reason to stare, no reason to pay attention to him at all. He knew that was the best he could hope for and opted to quash any moments of loneliness from his mind rather than entertaining the idea of putting himself out there to be mocked and ridiculed. </p>
<p>Taking care of himself was simple now that it was only himself and not any meddlesome and irksome men, nor an entire school of magical children, nor one reckless boy upon whose shoulders the fate of their entire world rested. He had only to please himself and, while he was really never especially pleased, he recognized that he had an acceptable life. He liked himself, in spite of the fact that no one else did. </p>
<p>He cooked his own meals in his own flat. When he had sexual needs and urges, he took care of them himself, running his hands over his thin body as passionately as any lover likely could. He brewed at night, he opened up shop during the day, and he smoked in the shadows when he needed a break from the monotony. Occasionally there were meetings of the Diagon Alley Shopkeepers' Association and he attended those without fail, sitting in the back and slipping out the moment it was over to avoid interacting with people who surely wouldn't want to be around him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was during one of these meetings that things started to change. Severus didn't immediately recognize the changes. No, it all happened much too gradually for that. But when he looked back on it later, he could see that this meeting had begun the slow, steady upheaval of his quiet life. It was a catalyst of sorts, but not one that anyone, even Severus Snape, could have recognized at that point.</p>
<p>The announcement of a new shop opening wasn't terribly unusual. It had only been a few years since the war and Diagon Alley was still recovering from the loss and damage that had been wrought on the wizarding world. The street remained a ghost of its former glory, but wizard-folk from all over the country were moving in, opening up shops, and trying to come together as a community to restore things. Severus appreciated the solidarity of it all, even though he remained, as always, on the outskirts of society. It was good to be a part of something positive for once in his Merlin-forsaken life.</p>
<p>So, the knowledge that a new broom shop was opening was not surprising news. He was glad, even, to hear that it would be located across the Alley from his own shop. Anything new was likely to attract more traffic into the apothecary and more business for him couldn't possibly be a bad thing. The fact that the new owner's name wasn't announced was slightly odd, but not unheard of. Some new business owners were wary of putting their name out there before they were settled in; he had been that way himself, so he didn't blame them.</p>
<p>When he went home that evening, he didn't give the new shop much more thought. He had owl orders to fulfill and billywigs to prepare for potions. He knew he needed to harvest moondew the following night, so he'd have to make sure that any brews that needed to be put under stasis would be ready for that stage by then and any that were ready for bottling were packaged up. Severus Snape was a busy man, a hard working man, whose greatest ambition these days was merely to be left alone to enjoy his life as it were. As he worked, the thought crossed his mind that he should keep an eye on the new shop when he had a spare moment – spying and watching his surroundings were as much a part of him as anything at this point – but it wasn't a thought that he dwelled on. </p>
<p>Not yet, anyway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Step Out of the Sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Severus awoke early as he always did. After setting the coffee pot to brew, he slipped off the black pants he'd slept in and began his morning yoga routine.</p>
<p>Early mornings were his favorite time of day. That was when he felt his freedom most acutely, even still, several years after the end of the war. At one time, he'd expected to meet his death during the war; he'd expected to never feel this sense of control over his own life. Hence the naked yoga.</p>
<p>Yoga was something he'd started with Lily in the mid-70s, though they'd remained clothed of course. It had been all the rage among muggles at the time and they'd started it on a whim one summer. He'd been skeptical, but had quickly found that it helped him to focus and clear his mind; it was a perfect way for him to take charge of his day and it was a type of workout that suited his lithe frame. </p>
<p>He hadn't begun doing it in the nude until he left Hogwarts after the Dark Lord's reign of terror had been ended. It felt freeing to shed his clothes and bare himself to the bright morning sun here in the privacy of his own home, a home he'd chosen for himself. It helped to acknowledge each morning that, whatever else happened throughout the day, he was in full control of himself, of his day, of his life. He didn't even bother putting clothes on immediately after he'd finished. He simply cast a freshening charm over his sweat-slickened body, poured his coffee, "black as my soul," he thought, and took a sip. </p>
<p>The rich smell of black coffee had always been a comfort to him. It was what his father drank on good mornings, mornings when he wasn't drinking whiskey before 9AM. It was how Severus had always begun his mornings at Hogwarts as well. Not even the inane chatter of idiot children could spoil that first sip of coffee. But it was even better now.</p>
<p>Now, when he could sink, naked, into the soft blue chair by his window and watch Diagon Alley wake up. He didn't think anyone could see him, but he wasn't particularly bothered if they could. This was one luxury he allowed himself and if someone wanted to watch, by Morgana, he'd let them. Throughout the day, he remained as tightly buttoned up, as severely dressed, as he'd always been. No one could see the scars that adorned his body, the blue veins that shone through his milky pale skin, the mark of his greatest shame  – the Dark Lord's mark – still standing out in stark relief on his arm. But here, alone, he could bare himself fully. Here, he could appreciate his own body. </p>
<p>It wasn't a remarkable body, he supposed, but it had gotten him through two wars and it still served him well. He was thin, but he was strong; he was scarred, but he was alive. It was the body of a survivor and he was grateful for it, flaws and all. </p>
<p>He idly ran his long fingers through the coarse black hairs on his thigh, his nails polished black to hide the stains he acquired from working regularly with potion ingredients. His cock lay soft and thick between his legs and he drew his hand nearer to it. It had been so long since another person had touched him, but it was no matter; he knew his own body well enough and, what's more, he rather loved his body. </p>
<p>He ran his thumb over the slit of his cock, the head just barely peeking out from his foreskin. He had thought to slowly stroke himself to hardness, then tease himself to completion, but then he jumped. Thankful that he had laid his coffee cup down before that dreadful racket had startled him, he leaned over and peered out the window. </p>
<p>There was a very large shaggy grey dog on the road, happily barking as it ambled around with an awkward, floppy kind of gait. The dog was accompanied by a man with equally shaggy black hair; Severus would know that head of hair anywhere.</p>
<p>"Potter," he grumbled as he rolled his dark eyes, his moment of body positivity forgotten. Of course it would be Potter. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one had ever set his blood boiling the way that the Potter men had always managed to do. They were beyond reckless, always brash, they had caused him nothing but harm and grief. The Potters were a large part of the reason that Severus had retreated so deeply inside himself. He knew all too well that if you kept getting burned, you should step out of the sun. </p>
<p>To be fair, Harry Potter was much less problematic than his dear father had been. Severus sneered at the thought of the man that had caused him so much trouble in his youth. James had helped to drive Severus to very dark places. Not that he placed the blame on Potter, really. He knew that he'd made his own choices. He just also knew that he had felt, at the time, that he hadn't much of a choice. When one needed to avoid the light to keep from getting burned, where could they go but into the dark?</p>
<p>Pulling on his pants and gathering his robes for the day, he considered what it meant that Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived himself, would be living across from him. It was certain to bring more business to this part of the Alley, even more than he'd initially thought, at least for a little while. He may need to start brewing his potions in larger batches for a time, but that was no problem. </p>
<p>In fact, he couldn't even imagine running into problems with Potter. Severus did not interact with people any more than he had to; in fact, he actively avoided doing so. He would simply avoid the man the same way that he avoided everyone else. Surely Potter wouldn't want to run into him anymore than Severus wanted that. </p>
<p>He just hoped Potter could keep his dog more quiet in the future. He did not desire to have his peaceful mornings disturbed by the barking mutt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tapping on the Glass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the coming weeks, Severus found himself watching Potter almost constantly, despite not really meaning to. </p>
<p>Each morning he sat in his blue chair, gazing through the window at Potter, in his baggy muggle clothes, jogging beside his loping dog. Thankfully, the dog had been quiet after that first day. Severus suspected that Potter was casting muffling charms around himself and the mutt, and he was perfectly content with that, so long as he didn't have to listen to the infernal thing. In the afternoon, he'd stand smoking in the shadows while watching a laughing Potter allowing children to test his brooms, low and slow, in the street. When evening fell, he'd peer out of the apothecary window as Potter closed up his broom shop and, most days, invited some number of gingers and Gryffindors into his flat. </p>
<p>It was as if his days all revolved around Potter. </p>
<p>This didn't strike him as particularly odd. Not at first, anyway. The shop across the way had not been opened in the entire time that Severus had been there. It was only natural that he'd be curious about his closest neighbor. And it certainly had nothing to do with the fact that it was Potter, specifically. He'd have watched anyone.</p>
<p>Although, it was true that if old Mr. Clanahan had been the one to move in, he probably wouldn't have imagined that particular man's pale wrinkled hands on his body the way he imagined Potter's calloused bronze ones. Or had it been the Weasleys, he doubted that he'd have spent much time picturing their ginger heads resting on his shoulder the way that he did Potter's wild dark mane. It had all happened so gradually that he hadn't even realised how prevalent thoughts of Potter were in his mind until they'd overtaken everything. </p>
<p>One day he was wondering about the brooms Potter sold. They weren't the typical Nimbus and Cleansweep models; it seemed that Potter was a craftsman, which Severus found highly intriguing. The next day he was picturing himself inviting Potter over to dinner; odder still, he imagined Potter accepting and the two of them having a lovely evening together. When he began thinking of Potter's mouth against his, Potter's body against his, he told himself that he really needed to relieve his sexual frustrations more frequently if he had started thinking of even his old enemy's son in such a way.</p>
<p>And he did try that. Wanking, that is. And it was as good as ever. But it did not stop the thoughts from coming. And it did not stop Severus from watching the other man from his window. </p>
<p>There were even times that he thought he caught Potter looking back. Shameful times, where he had raised his hand to wave at the man, only to drop it quickly when he told himself that Potter could not possibly be looking at the greasy old potions master. Potter had no way of knowing how much Severus had to offer. </p>
<p>And he never would. That was not happening, Severus thought. </p>
<p>The problem, as Severus saw it, was that he had really stopped thinking of Potter as Potter and himself as Severus Snape. He was thinking only of his own positive traits and not of his sordid history. He was thinking only of the interesting and attractive man across the street and not of James Potter's son, not of his own former student, not of a man who was half his age. </p>
<p>He knew he had to stop. He liked the life he had now and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the peace that he had, a peace that had been so hard-earned. But it did make him wonder: could he ever be more than this to anyone? More than Snivellus? More than a spy? More than a scowling face? More than someone to glare at while purchasing expertly-made potions?</p>
<p>Again, he tried to tamp down the lonely feeling in his gut. Nothing good could possibly come of this. Nothing good ever came from thoughts such as these. Not for him, at any rate. True fulfillment was for the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, the Weasleys and Potters of the world. He would be content with having reached his goals. He had his life and his shop, he had nice clothes and food to prepare and potions to brew. He had a camaraderie of sorts with the other shopkeepers here, and that included Potter, he supposed. He had all that he'd ever wanted. </p>
<p>And yet. The window beckoned, like a door into a dream world where he could have it all and more. He imagined himself tapping on the glass and being beckoned inside to a place where he had everything. Where he had someone to ask about his day and someone to tell him about theirs. Where he had someone to stop him from brewing so late into the night just because they wanted to spend time with him. Where someone loved him and made love to him, where he had both the warmth of the hearth and the fires of passion in his grasp, in his life. </p>
<p>He was damned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fucking Potter. Potter had awakened this in him, this thing that he'd been so successful at squashing up until now. Potter, with his easy smiles. Potter, with his crafty hands, hands filled with magic. Potter, with his chosen family filling his evenings with love and happiness. Did he want Potter or did he just want what Potter had and did it even matter at all? The beast of ambition had been roused in him once more, only this time he had no idea how to go about reaching his goals. He only knew that he was left longing; he was left gazing through the window.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or perhaps it wasn't Potter's fault at all. Perhaps he'd been behind the glass forever, watching and waiting, and it was only Potter who sparked the urge within him to wave.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Watching People Pass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A trickle of sweat dripped between Severus' shoulder blades, beneath his heavy dark robes. The July air was hazy and traffic on Diagon Alley was minimal. He took a drag of his tightly rolled black cigarette, savoring the flavor of herbal smoke on his tongue; his own blend, designed to curb anxiety and boost self control. </p>
<p>Severus didn't mind the heat. He'd been cold for much of his life. Anyone who thought they knew him would likely say he was still cold – cold in heart, cold in spirit – but they were wrong. No one knew him and that was the point, Severus thought, leaning his head back against the wall. No one knew all that he kept hidden. No one knew how hot he ran.</p>
<p>He liked the feeling of sweat on his skin, a sticky hot barrier between him and his robes. He liked the way it dripped down his chest and back, the way it beaded on his upper lip. It made him feel alive in the same way that his morning workouts did.</p>
<p>When the dog ambled over to him, a panting grin on its whiskered face, he raised an eyebrow and looked down at it. He allowed it to sniff his hand, but would stop it if it tried to lick him. Not only did he have no desire to be licked by a canine, he also was unsure that it would be healthy for the dog to do so, if there were any ingredients clinging to his fingers that may be unwise for a dog to ingest. Potter's hands may hold the magic of craftsmanship, but Severus' held magic that could cure and magic that could poison. He was certain that Potter would not want the latter happening to his dog.</p>
<p>The dog did not try to lick him though. After that cursory sniff of his potion-stained hand, it merely sat back on its haunches beside him, settling there in the shadows. The dog was taller, even, than Severus had expected. He tentatively reached out to stroke its furry head, not needing to bend down to do so. He found the dog's wiry fur to be much softer than it looked and wondered if Potter's hair was the same. </p>
<p>Moments later, when Potter ambled over to them, Severus did not look at him. He still leaned against the wall, looking out over Diagon Alley, his hand stroking the dog's head. "Potter," he said softly in acknowledgment of the man.</p>
<p>He could feel Potter's green eyes looking him over. He didn't move except to light a fresh cigarette and blow a cloud of thin smoke from between his lips. </p>
<p>"Snape," the man finally returned, and Severus saw him nod through the corner of his eye. He felt, more than saw, Potter lean against the wall, mirroring his own position, on the other side of the dog.</p>
<p>What was Potter even doing here, Severus wondered. If he had come to retrieve his dog, surely he could have done so by now. Perhaps Potter wanted him to say something, though what that could be, he was unsure. Many words had passed between the two of them in the past, most of them unpleasant, and Severus was no longer interested in fighting that kind of battle. </p>
<p>He considered speaking, but was ultimately grateful that nobody could hear the thoughts in his head. He wasn't sure what words might fall from his lips this time. What could he even say to a man he had once loathed entirely, to a man that he now watched and fantasized about, to a man that he wished he could have or else wished he could be?</p>
<p>The heavy silence between them was finally broken when Potter said, tentatively, "Hey, can I have one of those?"</p>
<p>Silently, Severus lifted his hand from the dog's grey head and drew another dark cigarette from his pocket. Placing it between his lips, he lit it then passed it to the other man. He would like to be able to say that he didn't know why he'd done that – surely the man who'd defeated the Dark Lord could light his own fag – but as he watched Potter's lips close over the place where his own lips had just been, he knew that his reasoning was undeniable. He watched the smoke from their mouths curl together in the sweltry air and briefly imagined their sweat, their bodies, joined in a similar fashion. </p>
<p>His face was a blank mask as he watched Potter smoke. The dog was quiet and still, softly panting between them.  "I see you've met Albus, then," Potter returned his stiff gaze with a crooked grin. </p>
<p>Severus snorted at that and looked away again. "You've named your dog Albus," he said. It wasn't a question. </p>
<p>"It seemed to fit," Potter said, chuckling lightly, still smiling. </p>
<p>Shifting his weight away from the wall, Severus looked down at the dog and found the dog looking sagely back at him. His shaggy grey brow framed blue eyes that almost twinkled in a rather disconcerting manner. Despite the lolling tongue, his face held more wit and awareness than a dog's ought to. </p>
<p>Severus was grudgingly forced to admit that the name did indeed fit, before leaning gracefully back against the wall and burying his fingers in the dog's fur once more. Like his namesake, there was something reassuring about his presence and Severus found that he didn't mind having him there as much as he'd have predicted. "What breed is he?" Severus asked as he finished his cigarette and vanished the remains. </p>
<p>Potter rewarded him with another crooked grin. "An Irish wolfhound," he said. "They're inclined to health problems, but I couldn't resist him. He's perfect for…" he trailed off as if wondering why he had even said so much. "Well, he's perfect for me," he finished, his smile having melted into an introspective kind of look. </p>
<p>Severus nodded and they fell silent once more. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. He was content to just stand here with Potter while his mind whirled. He wondered what health problems Albus could have and if they could be corrected with potions. Then he wondered why he cared.</p>
<p>Eventually, Potter stood up and said, "Well, I suppose I should be getting back." Severus wondered why he sounded almost regretful but said nothing. "Could I come back again sometime, Professor?"</p>
<p>Severus blinked, startled. He would admit that he hadn't foreseen that. "I'm not your Professor any longer, Potter," he said, meeting those vivid green eyes. Had Lily's ever been so bright? </p>
<p>Potter laughed. His laugh was a bit rough, as if he didnt use it often, though Severus knew better. Severus wanted to hear it directed his way again. "True," he said lightly. "We'll see you soon then, Snape." And then he walked away, Albus following close behind. </p>
<p>The heat and the shadows felt a little more oppressive without Potter standing by, bearing it with him. He'd never felt that way before. He stood there a moment more, waiting for answers that wouldn't appear. </p>
<p>Why would Potter want to come stand in the shadows with him again? What had he cut himself off from saying? Was Severus any closer to the connection he craved after this strange interaction or was he still firmly behind the window? </p>
<p>Several people walked down the street and Severus watched them pass. Two went into Potter's shop. Weasleys, Severus noted. Then one went into his shop. He abandoned his thoughts to the shadows then and returned to the coolness of the apothecary, glancing over at the window as he stepped through the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. With Stars in Our Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After closing up shop for the evening, Severus returned to his spot beneath the awning. He was certain that there were other things, important things, that he could be working on, but he brushed them aside. He no longer needed to burn himself out for the promise of future freedom; freedom was now his, and that meant he had the flexibility to take an evening for self-care. He needed time to just be, time to be still and unencumbered by anything but his own thoughts and desires and ambitions.</p>
<p>He smoked cigarette after cigarette in the still-humid evening air. Pacing beneath the awning, he thought about his life. The only things he'd ever wanted for himself, the only things he'd worked for, had been freedom and acceptance. He had experienced both, but never at once; every time that he had felt accepted and valued, he'd been held under someone's thumb, anytime that he'd been free, he'd been alone. </p>
<p>Potter hadn't caused these thoughts, not really. His presence had pushed them into the light more than Severus had ever allowed before, but they'd always been there. He possessed enough self-awareness to recognize that. But why Potter? What was it about his openness and his laughter and his very existence that set Severus so on edge? He didn't hate this feeling, but he also didn't understand it and he didn't understand why everything always seemed to come back to Potter.</p>
<p>Finally, he stopped. He wasn't solving anything like this. Perhaps the best course of action to take, would be to take none at all. He'd wait and see what Potter did, what Potter wanted. He clearly wasn't the same reckless, brash boy he'd once been any more than Severus was still a Professor and a double agent. He'd simply allow this connection, if there was one at all, to run its course. Being associated with the Savior of the Wizarding World couldn't hurt his reputation and, if he guarded himself well, it couldn't hurt him either. </p>
<p>It may help him on his way to acceptance, though. If Potter wasn't the one, perhaps knowing Potter would help him find the one, the one who wouldn't mind sharing their life and love with someone like him. The one upon whom all his new ambitions rested. A significant part of him found these new ambitions to be weak, unbecoming of a harsh and unattractive man like he was, but Severus Snape had never been one to back down from a goal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cool air in his flat was startling after the heat of the outdoors. All of his pacing outside had caused him to work up a sweat again. He stripped his robes off then stopped to appreciate the sensation of goose pimples raising on his skin, of his pink nipples hardening. </p>
<p>Briefly Severus slipped into the shower, as hot as he could stand it, to wash the sweat from his skin, the potions from his hands. Then he stepped out again, not bothering to dry himself off. He let the cool air around him dry his skin, closing his eyes at the sensation of chilled air on wet skin again.</p>
<p>Sensation was a word that Severus loved. Just the sound of it, the feel of it on his tongue, seemed somehow provocative. He loved the heat and he loved to sweat. He enjoyed the feeling of his muscles stretching during a workout and the feeling of goose pimples on his flesh. Many of his fantasies involved him contorting his body with a lover, or hot wax being dribbled enticingly over his skin, or a lover holding ice between their teeth as they placed open mouthed kisses on his most sensitive areas. Extreme sensations were his kink and he was not ashamed of it.</p>
<p>As he stood there, his skin drying in the cool air, he thought about his body, his physical needs and his sexual reactions. He knew that he could be brewing tonight, but he also knew that he didn't need to. This was a night that he had taken for himself and it would be a shame not to use it, he thought. It had been too long since he'd truly indulged in more than a quick wank. </p>
<p>Stretching his long lean body, he moaned at the pull on his muscles and joints. His wet black hair was cool against his back and shoulders and he shook it lightly, scattering cold droplets of water across his skin. He looked down at his body and admired the dark curls of hair contrasted against his pale skin, the way his pink nipples stood at firm peaks, the thickness of his hardening cock and his heavy balls between his legs. </p>
<p>Waving his wand, he conjured a piece of ice and held it between long fingers. He ran the ice down his hooked nose and across his lips, kissing it before sliding it down his neck and across each nipple. He shivered slightly as the air hit the icy wet trail that was left on his skin. Over the flat plane of his stomach and down the line of his groin went the ice; his balls tightened deliciously when he cupped them in his palm alongside the frozen sliver, feeling their weight in his hand. Bending slightly, he reached back further and pressed the bit of ice into his arse. His entire body tensed, his hole puckered at the frigid intrusion, and he loved it.</p>
<p>He sat down in his chair and draped one leg over the arm as the ice melted, though his body retained its tension and his hand retained its chill. There was a burning hunger inside of him now; the ice had been but an appetizer. </p>
<p>Discarding his wand on the table beside him, still within easy reach, he pinched one nipple between his chilly fingers and rolled it between them, pulling at it lightly until his cock began throbbing. His other hand slowly drifted down his chest and over his stomach, gently tugging at the coarse dark hairs there. Dipping his thumb into his navel, he pictured a lover's mouth there, a soft tongue teasing him. </p>
<p>One nipple swollen and hard, his hand fluttered to the other as he admired the puffiness, the rosy color of the first. He lowered his other hand, bypassing his twitching cock and squeezing his balls softly before going even lower and pressing a finger to the sensitive skin behind them. </p>
<p>After manipulating his prostate from the outside, his need for release was becoming more urgent. He gripped his wand once more and placed the tip against his puckered hole; he murmured a charm of his own creation, conjuring a hot, zesty lubricant that filled him, a stark contrast to the ice that had been there moments ago, before dropping his wand. He looked down over his body, loving his debauched appearance, his nipples puffy and pink, his cock thick and hard, his balls heavy. The lube in his arse tingled and burned as he slid one finger inside, pressing firmly against the constricting ring of muscle there. He gasped at the heady feeling of intrusion, then quickly slid a second finger in.</p>
<p>Scissoring his fingers, he stretched his hole as wide as he could; merely the thought of opening up his arse was tantalizing, the action even moreso. Finally he drove his fingers in deep and began fucking himself in earnest, grazing his prostate with his fingertips, tapping at it with each thrust. When he could stand it no longer, he reached down and gripped his leaking cock. Smearing precum over his palm, he began sliding it over his member, in time with the fingers violating his arse. </p>
<p>It only took moments before he was shuddering, streams of come shooting onto his belly, the muscles in his arsehole squeezing his fingers. He let his fingers slide from his opening and slumped back, his body feeling loose. He dragged his fingers through the come on his skin and sucked on them, his release tasted of salt and sex. He ran his hands over puffy nipples again, lightly fingered the open winking rim of his hole. </p>
<p>Severus was certain that he could wring a second orgasm out of his body and that he would enjoy doing so. He thought that he should do the next one in his own bed, however, and allow the haze of post-orgasmic bliss to lull him to sleep. Standing, he slipped to his mattress, and began the deliciously torturous process of teasing himself to hardness once again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't know that anyone had been watching him, he hadn't noticed that the man across the street was deeply engaged in the silhouette of his pleasure. But if he had known…</p>
<p>If he had known, he wouldn't have minded. He may even have tried to put on a better show.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Believing That We Belong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus awoke the next morning sated and sticky. He saw no reason to be bothered or ashamed that he had woken up covered in his own dried come. He had known what the outcome would be last night and had happily followed through anyway. He simply rinsed off in the shower and charmed his bedclothes to launder themselves before starting his morning routine. </p>
<p>The yoga routine helped him to ground and center himself for the day and he was grateful for it. He had been feeling so pleasant that people were likely to think there was something wrong with him if he opened up his shop so cheerfully. The slow stretches followed by bitter black coffee, sipped by the window, allowed him to focus. He granted himself one more moment to smile softly at the thought of his wanton evening spent in the blue chair before he stood and wrapped himself up in heavy severe robes once more.</p>
<p>Selling potions, bottling potions, making notes about potions to brew; Severus' day was unremarkable in every way.</p>
<p>It was unremarkable until late afternoon, at least, when he stepped outside to light a cigarette. </p>
<p>This time, Potter made no pretense of sending the dog first and then coming over to collect him. They both simply strolled over to Severus as if they'd been waiting all day for this. Silently, Severus handed Potter the cigarette from between his lips then lit another for himself. He had not forgotten his resolve to simply let this play out as it would. Silently, they stood smoking together until Potter spoke.</p>
<p>"This is all so strange, don't you think?"</p>
<p>"I haven't the slightest idea what you're referring to, Potter," Severus said.</p>
<p>Potter leaned his head back against the wall and took a drag off of his cigarette. Severus couldn't help admiring the line of his jaw as he exhaled. "It's like, I came into this world knowing nothing and it was so whimsical. Diagon Alley was my first taste of magic, but I never thought it would turn out like this," Potter said. "That I'd be like this."</p>
<p>Severus hummed in agreement. He could relate on a very real level to what he thought Potter was saying. "You thought, once, that you'd finally found the place where you belonged," he answered softly, "only to become disenfranchised with it all once the stars faded from your eyes."</p>
<p>Green eyes gazed over at him, eyes that seemed wiser and older than the youthful face they were set in. Potter shrugged. "Now the war is over, but so many people are dead and I'm still this freak. I thought things would be bright after the war but it's just different, not better. No one says anything – not to me – but they don't have to tell me." The words 'I already know' were left off of the end of his statement, but Severus heard them plainly. </p>
<p>Severus' mouth tightened as he looked back at Potter. "I see nothing freakish about you. Many things are still wrong simply because they always will be. The world isn't perfect, Potter; not even this world. Magic doesn't fix everything. </p>
<p>"But a freak? No. I see a man standing here, grown from a reckless boy who had too much responsibility placed on his shoulders. Nothing more."</p>
<p>That messy black head dropped back against the wall once more. "I'm gay," Potter said flatly.</p>
<p>"Shall I alert the media?" Severus asked dryly. </p>
<p>Potter laughed, but it sounded bitter. "I'd rather you didn't. My family – I mean, the Weasleys – aren't even sure how to take it. I was supposed to marry Ginny, I guess."</p>
<p>Severus shrugged. "Another person's acceptance or rejection does not change anything, Potter. You are what you are."</p>
<p>"You don't think there's something wrong with me, then?"</p>
<p>Rolling his dark eyes, Severus sighed. "What I think matters little. But for the record, no, I do not think anything of the sort. It would be rather hypocritical of me if I did."</p>
<p>Potter's eyes widened as an inexplicable emotion played across his open face. "You're gay, too, sir?"</p>
<p>Severus raised an eyebrow, giving Potter a flat look. "Not precisely. I find the human form, in all its many variances, compelling, appealing. However, finding someone whose mind and mouth attract me is much more rare. Physical attraction means little compared to that."</p>
<p>Potter looked at him in a calculating way and Severus passed him another cigarette. They both slumped back against the wall then. Albus gave low snore from where he lay between them. Standing there silently, raw truths having been spoken between them, Severus felt comfortable in the presence of another person for the first time in what felt like ages. There was something like true affection, deeper than desire or ambition, blossoming in his chest. There was something like friendship blossoming between them. </p>
<p>Severus was acutely aware that every sun doesn't rise in splendour and even some that do aren't worth the glaring rays. He wondered vaguely what this bright light would bring and if he should step out now or wait to see the sunrise.  Even as he wondered, he knew that there was no question what he would do. Not really. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The coming weeks – all of July and part of August – passed in much the same way. Severus worked and Severus slept. He did yoga and he cooked for one. Sometimes he pleasured himself, often he smoked. Some days Albus would join him alone, and some days Potter was alone, occasionally neither of them came at all and Severus simply watched a parade of ginger heads file into Harry's shop, his flat, his life. </p>
<p>Usually, though, Potter and Albus walked across the Alley together to meet him every day. Potter would speak and Severus would listen, offering little, but meaning what he said. </p>
<p>Potter was nothing like Severus had ever imagined. In fact, he had more in common with the man than he'd thought possible. From terrible childhoods to immense pressure during the war to the loss of friends and family. They both had regrets, they had both killed, they had both saved the world, and both had suffered for it in their own ways. </p>
<p>"It seems that you still see the Weasleys quite often," Severus said one day.</p>
<p>Potter snorted. "You could say that," he said with a sad little smile. "They think I'm not happy enough."</p>
<p>"Are they right?" Severus asked skeptically. </p>
<p>"I'm not happy, but I'm fine. I'd be better if they'd give me some space," Potter said thoughtfully. </p>
<p>Severus looked at him and saw that he truly was fine. He had his dog and his shop, his magic and his craft. "Sometimes," he said slowly, "it is better to be fine than it is to be happy. Happiness can be fleeting and reliant upon other things. But being content with yourself, with your circumstances… that comes from you and it is worth far more."</p>
<p>Potter looked at him, his green eyes shining with understanding as he stood up, preparing to leave. "Can I call you Severus?" he asked.</p>
<p>"It is my name," Severus said dryly, quirking an eyebrow upward. </p>
<p>"Then call me Harry," he said, chuckling and rewarding Severus with one of those crooked grins that made him feel hot and cold at the same time.</p>
<p>"Alright," Severus said softly as the man walked away, "Harry."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Falling in a Forest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diagon Alley was busy, almost as crowded and lively as it had been before the war. Hogwarts-aged students and their families were all out purchasing supplies and clothes and pets to prepare for the coming school year and Severus was in a more foul mood than usual. </p>
<p>Despite not selling supplies for students at all, he still had an abundance of people coming in to ask his advice or to show off how talented and intelligent their child was. It was utterly exhausting. Severus knew that none of these people had any interest in him at all, but they knew that he'd been the youngest potions master to ever teach at Hogwarts. They all wanted something from him and he despised them.</p>
<p>Finally there was a lull, inevitable in the afternoon heat, and Severus escaped to his spot under the awning. Lighting a cigarette, he slumped back against the wall. This moment of respite was exactly what he needed. Within minutes, Harry was walking toward him, though Albus was nowhere in sight. The dog probably had the sense to stay away from the crowds.</p>
<p>"Hey, Severus," Harry said, sounding rather distracted. </p>
<p>Severus nodded in greeting then watched as the other man began pacing and fidgeting under the awning. He simply looked at him for a moment before pulling a cigarette out, lighting it, and handing it to Harry. He accepted it, looking grateful, then stood and stared at Severus. </p>
<p>With a sigh, he rolled his eyes. "What is it that you're wanting to tell me, idiot boy?" he asked, part affectionate, part exasperated. He was not especially in the mood for Gryffindor dramatics. </p>
<p>"I've been watching you," Harry blurted out. </p>
<p>"Obviously," Severus said sardonically. "You arrive here moments after I do on an almost daily basis. I do not know how I could have missed that, Potter."</p>
<p>Harry looked uncomfortable. "I mean… I mean I've been watching you in your room," he muttered. </p>
<p>Thinking about his morning yoga sessions, some of his more creative masturbation scenes, his window overlooking Harry's shop, Severus smirked. "Ah," he said smoothly. "And have you liked what you've seen?" </p>
<p>Harry's face reddened as Severus' smirk deepened. "Yes," he said. "But I… I didn't really want to tell you and Hermione said that I should and…"</p>
<p>That was all Severus heard before the air went out of his lungs, before the roaring began in his head. Hurt. Betrayal. Contempt. He felt like he was falling. </p>
<p>Throwing his cigarette to the ground, he grasped Harry's arm with cruel fingers, not caring whether his black nails dug in or not. Dragging Harry into the apothecary, he slammed the door and locked it, flipping the sign to "closed."</p>
<p>"You mean to tell me that you have told your friends about me? About my body??" Severus spat darkly. He tore at his hair, wondering why on earth he had decided to go along with this charade. Why the hell had he thought that he could ever belong with anyone, that he could ever achieve his latest, most ill-advised, goals?</p>
<p>Harry's mouth dropped stupidly and no words came out. Severus was reminded of another Potter, remarkably like this one, who had bared Severus' body to his friends, who had laughed at him cruelly. He couldn't believe he had let his guard down and allowed this to happen to him again.</p>
<p>He spun around, feeling his robes flap behind him like bat wings, and grabbed some empty jars from a shelf. "I had occasionally thought," he spat at Potter, flinging the jars against the wall, satisfied when they shattered. "I had occasionally thought that someone might see me there in my bedroom. I had not cared because I was doing what I wanted to do, what made me happy. But I never dreamed that anyone, aside from your dear father, would be so cruel as to discuss me in that way with their friends. To laugh at my expense!</p>
<p>"Do you have any clue how little I possess, Potter? How little that is mine alone, how little that is sacred to me? I've been almost happy, goddammit! And I let you in!" He didn't notice the hot tears blurring his vision; he only knew rage and betrayal. "I wanted to belong somewhere outside my own home, outside my own window," he said softly.</p>
<p>Throwing a final jar at the wall, he laughed bitterly before screaming, "I am a fucking idiot!" He fell to his knees then, unbothered by the shards of glass that littered the floor. </p>
<p>"Sir," Potter began. "Severus, I'm so sorry. I didn't… I didn't tell her about you. I didn't tell anyone. I just mentioned that I'd been watching someone and I liked them and she said I should tell them. I never… I never said anything about what I'd seen or who. Not specifically."</p>
<p>Severus was uninterested in Potter's excuses and platitudes. Too stuck inside his own head, behind his own mental window, to hear. Perhaps he'd process later. Or perhaps it would be too late, perhaps it wouldn't even matter.</p>
<p>His voice was rough and dark when he began speaking, the words pouring out of him as if he was unable to stop them. "When I was young, I thought I'd finally belong somewhere when I was able to be a true part of the wizarding world. I found out quickly that the same kind of biases that saw me as poor trash in the muggle world would see me as evil Slytherin trash here. But I had a friend at the time and I thought that was enough.</p>
<p>"I fucked that all up, you know. You saw it, despite me trying to hold it back. I was hurt and angry and I ruined everything back then." He gave a bitter humorless laugh. </p>
<p>"And then, with the Dark Lord… I know they were wrong, but they accepted me." His voice sounded desperate now, desperate to be understood, desperate to purge himself of everything. "I was a part of something then. I was respected, but I couldn't stomach it. Not at the cost of the only person who had ever shown me kindness.”</p>
<p>"All my life I've been hurt and I've been angry. I've never hidden that. I wore my pain on my sleeve because it kept everyone away. But I had hoped that someday someone would see past it, would see all the things I hold back, would see me waving through the window and beckon me out."</p>
<p>Harry had sunk to his knees as well. Severus barely saw him. Everything was flooding out now. </p>
<p>"When you first spoke to me there in the shadows, we saw each other. I thought we saw each other. I thought we heard each other. But I suppose that old Snivellus was wrong again.</p>
<p>"I've been falling through a forest all my life, Harry. And I do not even know if I made a sound, because no one has ever been there to hear me when I've crashed."</p>
<p>Warm hands carded through his greasy hair then. Warm green eyes were gazing at him, filled with concern and, yes, acceptance. "I heard you, Severus. I hear you. You don't have to fall alone."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Suddenly, Harry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Silently, tensely, they sat there on the wooden floor. Severus could feel shards of glass beneath his knees even through his heavy robes and he considered Harry's legs for a moment, uncovered as they were in muggle shorts. But Harry didn't move, his hands didn't stop stroking Severus' hair, his face; green eyes didn't look away from his. </p>
<p>Severus studied him for a long moment as he rolled Harry's words around in his mind, those words leaving more questions than answers. Had he really not told his friends what he'd seen? Did he truly see and hear Severus when no one else had ever bothered before? Was he bleeding on Severus' floor and would it be difficult to clean?</p>
<p>He must have seen something in Severus' face that told him the rage and pain was subsiding, that he was back in control of himself. "Look at me, Severus," he said softly. </p>
<p>"What do you think I've been doing, Potter?" he snapped. </p>
<p>Infuriatingly, Harry just grinned at him. "That's what I've been missing, you know? That's why I started watching you."</p>
<p>Severus just looked at him, sneering.</p>
<p>He went on. "You're so buttoned up here, tame. But… I know you. I know you're hiding. I know that you're snarky and sassy and so fucking passionate, Severus. And I see you in your window every morning; you're wide open then. You're so graceful, but wild, too." Severus scoffed. It was kind of disconcerting to find out how well this brash Gryffindor had managed to dissect him. It was thrilling, but he wasn't sure he liked it. </p>
<p>"And at night, Severus. Merlin. At night you're like a tempest, burning so hot I can almost feel it, I can almost taste it. I'd like to taste it," he said, his eyes sparking with life and desire, not mocking. </p>
<p>Sighing deeply, Severus said, "Get up, Potter. You're bleeding." He pulled away from the other man's hands and waited for him to stand. Waving his wand, he vanished the glass from the floor then bent to examine Harry's knees. "It's not as bad as it could've been," he murmured as he gently picked the glass out of his wounds then bustled around the shop for the ointment that would heal them. </p>
<p>"Complete dunderhead," he muttered as he worked, kneeling on the now clean floor to finish healing Harry. "Who lays their bare knees down on broken glass?"</p>
<p>Harry laughed as Severus stood, satisfied with the way Harry's legs looked, now free of glass and blood. "Someone who has more important things to worry about at the moment," he said.  Severus rolled his eyes. His fingers itched for a cigarette, he itched for anything to do rather than look into those tempting green eyes, that clear earnest face. He looked on anyway.</p>
<p>"Please let me explain, Severus." He lifted one bronze hand, as if to touch him, then seemed to think better of it and dropped it back to his side.</p>
<p>Severus stood there, dark eyes narrowed in thought as he studied Harry. There was no question in his mind about letting him explain, of course. He needed to know whom to Obliviate if nothing else. But Harry didn't need to know that yet. </p>
<p>It was curious, Severus thought, that his life would come to this. He felt raw and exposed, like everything that he'd ever hidden behind was being wiped away and he wasn't sure if he should stand proudly or flee to safety. His greatest ambition, of late, had merely been for understanding, companionship, perhaps even affection. And suddenly, Harry bloody Potter was standing beside him. Suddenly, Harry was his friend or something like it.</p>
<p>Sucking in a breath, he finally said, "Explain yourself if you must, Potter."</p>
<p>Sagging slightly with what Severus could only guess was relief, Harry gave him a hopeful little smile. That smile almost broke his heart, if he was being honest. No one had ever looked at him that way before. </p>
<p>And so he explained how things had been for him right after the war, how broken he'd been. He told Severus how he'd gotten Albus and how the dog had helped him through the worst of it, when he couldn't stand to be around any human being. He explained how the Weasleys had expected so much of him; they expected him to settle down, preferably with their daughter, they expected his happiness now that the war was over. "I'm just not there yet, Severus. And I'll never be there with Ginny," he said. "You understand."</p>
<p>Severus did understand. Happiness was not something that anyone could expect of another. And forcing two young people together was just asinine; the heart cannot be controlled like that. He'd never really loved and been loved in return, but he'd certainly lost enough to recognize that. He was rather disappointed that Harry's chosen family was putting him in such a position, a position that would only lead to discouragement for everyone involved. </p>
<p>"I made a little broom for Teddy Lupin once," Harry said, seeming, at first, to be changing the subject. "Working on that, working with my hands, it was the best I'd felt in… well, in forever, I guess. So I made more of them. I couldn't even stop, so I decided not to fight it, to just do what I enjoy. I decided to open up the shop. I thought I'd find some distance from them then, but they still come around all the time, as you've noticed." Severus smirked but his heart really wasn't in it. </p>
<p>"Anyway, I got here, all ready to move in, and you were the first thing I saw. Things had been bad, Severus. So fucking bad. But I saw you there, clean as the morning, looking so peaceful, and I knew it could all be okay. </p>
<p>"I started coming by and talking to you. You were everything I hadn't even known that I needed. Hermione noticed the difference in me right away. I can't hide anything from her." He laughed softly, his green eyes shining. "I just told her I had my eye on someone and she told me to go for it. That's literally it, Severus. I swear. I could never tell a soul anything about you. Not like that. I see the things that you hold sacred. I hold them sacred too."</p>
<p>Determined green eyes gazed back at him steadily. He sighed. He couldn't find it in himself to regret his temper tantrum, even though it had been uncalled for if Harry was to be believed. Sometimes things needed to come out because they'd eat a person alive if they stayed inside; sometimes things needed to come out to make room for something better. </p>
<p>Severus knew what he was doing then, he could identify this long ago abandoned precipice that he'd found the edge of once again. He could put the mask back on right now.  He could stay with the rage and pain and loneliness that he'd just purged. Or he could allow himself to remain unveiled before Harry, a friend and maybe more. He just had to trust that Harry would insulate him from the world, that they could each provide shelter for the other. </p>
<p>He raised his own pale hand, tucking a lock of Harry's hair behind his ear, brushing long fingers over bronze cheekbones. "I've been watching you, too," he said softly.</p>
<p>Harry placed his hand over Severus' and grinned brightly. 'So this is what being seen feels like,' Severus thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Standing Beside Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Would you come with me to walk Albus?" Harry asked after a moment. </p>
<p>"Of course," Severus said. Of course he would. He didn't want to let go of this yet, this deeper connection that they seemed to be forging. </p>
<p>He waited while Harry retrieved the dog from the garden behind his shop, unsurprised when Harry returned and cast Muffliato around the three of them. </p>
<p>"I learned that spell from you, you know," Harry said cheekily.</p>
<p>Severus rolled his eyes. "It had not been my intention to teach it to you, but as it's allowed my mornings to remain peaceful, I find that I don't particularly regret it." </p>
<p>They simply walked down Diagon Alley talking, Albus trotting happily beside them. Severus felt lighter and more open than he had in a long time, possibly ever, and spoke freely to Harry. When they passed Ron and Hermione, obviously headed to Harry's shop, Harry just waved and walked on. When Harry reached out and wove his fingers together with Severus', Severus did not pull away.</p>
<p>No one had ever treated him so kindly before. He tried to remember if he'd ever held anyone's hand like this and couldn't come up with anything. Perhaps his mother had held his hand at some point, but they'd been so poor that they really hadn't gone many places. He was positive that his father would never have done so. It was a nice feeling though; he thought perhaps he could get used to this kind of thing. </p>
<p>When they arrived back at Severus' shop, they stood beneath the awning like they always did. Everything had changed and nothing had. He and Harry were friends and they were on their way to becoming more. By all accounts, Severus thought, in some ways they were already more. Harry had admitted to watching him, admiring his naked body, after all. </p>
<p>The sun began to set on Diagon Alley, and Harry turned to face Severus. His face was expectant and hopeful as he said, "Could I kiss you, Severus?"</p>
<p>He had known that Harry wanted him, but the gentle question still managed to shock him. Unsure that he could utter a word, Severus just nodded gently and then there were warm lips pressed against his. </p>
<p>Harry kissed the way that he did everything; he was bold and sure. They were nearly the same height and the feeling of someone's body matching his so perfectly, pressing against him so neatly, was a heady one. Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, cupping the back of his messy head and finding that his hair was, indeed, very soft and pleasing to the touch. </p>
<p>He opened his lips slightly and Harry immediately took advantage. His tongue slipped swiftly into Severus' mouth, his body pressed even closer. Severus' back was up against the wall, strong hands grasped at his hips. He had never been happier to be manhandled. With Harry, he was on equal footing. </p>
<p>With Harry, he was exactly where he wanted to be. </p>
<p>Severus felt Albus move near to them, pushing against their legs, nosing at Harry's hand. Slowly and reluctantly, Harry drew back and smiled at Severus.</p>
<p>"I should be getting him home," he said sheepishly. </p>
<p>Severus tugged gently on a lock of soft hair before letting go and allowing Harry to step back. "Would you like to come over later or should I expect you to be watching through the window again?" he asked, smirking at Harry's wide eyed expression. </p>
<p>"I'll be back as soon as I get rid of Ron and Hermione," he said. "I'm sure they're wondering what I'm up to."</p>
<p>Nodding, Severus responded, "No good, I'm certain," he smirked. "Very well. Send your patronus to me when you're ready and I shall come let you in."</p>
<p>Harry leaned in and softly kissed the corner of Severus' mouth. "I really am sorry about watching you, Severus. And about earlier."</p>
<p>Turning his head, he captured Harry's lips in a soft kiss. "Think no more about it, Harry. If that is what it took for us to finally come out from behind the glass, then it was worth it." He was surprised to find that he truly believed those words. Typically, he would have clung to anger and bitterness, but now he felt purified by Harry's gentleness and understanding, by the fact that Harry was still here, standing beside him even after seeing all of him.</p>
<p>He actually smiled as Harry and Albus walked across the street toward Harry's shop. There was much to do before Harry returned to him later that evening. He was determined that everything would be perfect on this night, a night that he hoped would be the first of many.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The feel of Harry's soft hair had made Severus consider his own. He knew that his appearance did not fit typical standards of beauty, and it no longer bothered him. But if he wanted Harry to run his fingers through his hair – and he did – he thought that Harry deserved better than hair that was greasy with potion residue. </p>
<p>While in the shower, scrubbing his hair with shampoo that he had brewed for himself to remove potion remnants without reacting negatively with whatever ingredients may have clung to it, he considered this thing that he was starting with Harry. It was maddening in a way, because every other time that he had devoted himself to someone, it had ended in pain. He had blindly followed more people in his life than he liked to admit – Lily, Tom Riddle, Dumbledore – and none of them had brought him any kind of happiness in the end. </p>
<p>Harry, though… Harry was somehow different from anyone else. He listened to Severus and seemed to value the things that he said. He didn't order Severus around or look upon him with condescension. Harry truly was a friend before anything else. It was almost baffling, but in the best kind of way.</p>
<p>He knew that Harry had seen him in heavy robes and he'd seen him in nothing at all. Tonight, he'd show Harry a part of himself that few had ever seen. He pulled on a pair of comfortable jeans and a Ramones t-shirt, leaving his pale feet bare. He pulled his long hair, now clean and smooth, into a bun at the back of his neck, and began preparing a light meal for two.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Harry's patronus arrived, Severus was taken aback. Of course, he had seen the glowing stag before. No one who had been around Harry Potter during his time at Hogwarts could have missed seeing him proudly cast the charm. But, in this context, his own pale doe had an entirely different implication. Perhaps, he thought, this had been fate all along.</p>
<p>Harry laughed when Severus opened the door to let him in. "I didn't think you could surprise me anymore than you already have, Severus," he said, still smiling. "I like you in muggle clothes."</p>
<p>"I think I can manage to keep surprising a Gryffindor for quite some time, Potter," he said, but not unkindly. Harry laughed again as he pulled Severus close, wrapping strong arms around his waist and burying his face against his neck.</p>
<p>"I'm sure that you can," he said softly. Warm breath against Severus' neck made him shiver and he felt a stirring in his groin. </p>
<p>"Come along, Potter." His voice sounded a bit strained as he stepped away from the other man and drew him upstairs. </p>
<p>Upon entering his flat, Harry immediately found the soft blue chair that sat by the window. "The chair!" he said happily, stepping over and sinking into it. "I love this chair so much!"</p>
<p>"Behave yourself and perhaps you'll love it even more by the night's end," Severus said saucily. He laid their food out on the table and, beckoning Harry over, they began to eat. </p>
<p>Despite the more intimate setting, their conversation and banter rolled on as smoothly as it ever had. He was amazed both by Harry's ability to make him laugh and his ability to hold deep insightful discussions. He would never really have expected it of him before all this began, but he was not upset to be proven wrong.</p>
<p>Eventually, though, the hour grew late and the last drops of wine had been drunk from their glasses. Harry's gaze grew heated and he looked at Severus as if to say, "What's next?"</p>
<p>Severus felt his own face mirroring Harry's suggestive expression. He looked back steadily as if to say, "Whatever you want."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Sweet Understanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Standing slowly, his eyes never leaving Harry's, Severus made his way over to the blue chair. He sat down gracefully and was gratified when Harry stood and followed him. He felt as though he was watching in slow motion; Harry walking to him, Harry standing between his spread legs, Harry sinking to his knees before him.</p>
<p>"What do you want, Harry?" His voice sounded too loud in the suddenly sex-charged air of the room. </p>
<p>"You," Harry said simply and softly.</p>
<p>"You have me," Severus whispered as he leaned forward to press his lips to Harry's. Their kiss quickly grew heated, not like the sweet question kiss they'd shared under the awning had been; this kiss was a promise. Tongues danced and hands wandered as the light of the moon shone in on them through the window. </p>
<p>Severus pulled Harry's shirt off then pulled him into his lap. His own shirt was tugged over his head, his hair released from its bun. He nibbled at Harry's collarbone as he squeezed his soft arse cheeks. Harry's hands carded through his hair as he gasped, pressing his hard cock against Severus'. </p>
<p>"Stand up, Harry," Severus instructed and Harry scrambled out of his lap. He stood and began unbuttoning his jeans until Harry's hands covered his own. Trousers and pants were quickly discarded and then Harry was sinking down to his knees again, taking Severus' cock into his mouth. </p>
<p>His hands felt like fire as he ran strong fingers over Severus' stomach, his thighs, his arse. He dipped his tongue into Severus' slit as he gently squeezed his balls. He swallowed around Severus' cock as he ran a finger around the puckered rim of his arsehole. Severus gasped and buried his hands in soft unruly curls as he spilled on Harry's tongue. Harry hummed and swallowed before standing and kissing Severus deeply.</p>
<p>Moaning, Severus thrust his tongue between Harry's lips, tasting himself in the sweetness of his mouth. Moving his hands to Harry's chest, nimble fingers found his nipples and began pinching and squeezing them. He was pleased when Harry moaned from his ministrations, so he dipped his head and began sucking on one swollen nipple, freeing Harry's mouth to whisper filthy things. </p>
<p>"Severus," he gasped. "I want to sit you in that chair and spread your legs wide. Want to open you up slowly and fuck you…"</p>
<p>Despite having just come, Severus felt his cock twitch as he imagined Harry doing just what he'd said. He ran his tongue over Harry's chest, tasting his skin, his sweat, loving the feel of coarse body hair on his lips. "Please," he murmured. "Do it." </p>
<p>Suddenly he found himself pushed back into the chair, his legs spread open and draped over the arms. He was fully exposed to the other man. Harry leaned down and kissed him harshly before running his mouth, his tongue, over his body. He tasted Severus' throat, sucked one of his fingers. He lapped at his navel, softly kissed his oversensitive cock. All the while, he was softly rubbing Severus' hole, driving him wild. </p>
<p>When he asked for lubricant, Severus waved his wand, conjuring the same spicy lube that he liked. If he'd been more in control of himself, he'd have smirked at Harry's happy groan when he felt the wet heat; as it was, he merely panted his arousal. </p>
<p>True to his word, Harry did slowly open him up, teasing him all the time. By the time Harry was four fingers deep, grazing Severus' prostate with his fingertips, his cock was hard and throbbing again. He wasn't sure if he was moaning or begging and, given over to pleasure as he was, he really didn't care.</p>
<p>Finally, Harry pulled away and sat back on his heels, gazing at Severus. "Godric, you're gorgeous," he said, his eyes shining brightly. He leaned back down to Severus then, pressing them mouth to mouth, chest to chest, cock to arse. Severus' own member was hard between their bodies as Harry slowly drove his length into Severus' entrance. </p>
<p>His cock was thick and Severus felt deliciously full as Harry thrust into him. His kisses were fire, his fingers almost burned, even the air around them felt sweltering as they gasped into one another's mouths. It could have been minutes or hours when Harry gave one final thrust and began pumping hot come into Severus. He reached between their bodies and gripped Severus' cock, stroking him fervently until he spilled onto his hand.</p>
<p>He stood on wobbly legs and smiled at Severus as he lowered his feet to the floor and settled onto his lap. Severus wrapped his arms around the lovely slim body on top of him and Harry rested his head on Severus' shoulder. </p>
<p>"Can I stay here tonight?" he asked softly. "I don't want to be away from you now." </p>
<p>"Of course," Severus answered. He couldn't think of anything better than spending the night with his limbs tangled together with Harry's. "Let's go to bed though. I am not as young as you and have no desire to sleep in a chair."</p>
<p>Harry laughed and allowed himself to be led to Severus' bed. They collapsed into it and easily fell into a comfortable position, tangled together just as Severus had hoped. Harry idly slipped a finger over his loosened arsehole and Severus tightened his arms around the younger man, pleased at the show of familiarity. </p>
<p>"What were you doing the first time I watched you?" Harry asked. "You had something in your hand, but I couldn't tell what."</p>
<p>Severus thought for a moment then chuckled. "It was ice," he whispered and Harry sucked in a breath. He pulled back slightly from Harry and ran a long finger down his nose and across his lips while saying, "I conjured a piece of ice and put it here," his fingers followed the line of Harry's throat then circled each of his nipples, "and here." His hand ran over Harry's ribs and down the flat plane of his stomach. "I held ice in my palm while I did this," he murmured in Harry's ear as he cupped his balls, squeezing gently and rolling them in his hand, "and then a slipped it right here," he said, tapping at Harry's entrance with a black-tipped finger as he pushed back against Harry, slipping Harry's finger inside his own wet hole.</p>
<p>"Merlin," Harry gasped, pulling Severus close again. "You are wild, Severus Snape."</p>
<p>Severus hummed his agreement and kissed Harry's neck. "While the ice melted inside me," he said softly in Harry's ear, "I filled my arse with lube, then I slid my fingers in and fucked myself." </p>
<p>Harry groaned and drove his finger more purposefully into Severus. Their cocks were both more than half hard again as Harry said huskily, "Want you to fuck me."</p>
<p>"Do you?" Severus asked darkly, rolling them over so that he was on top of Harry, their ribs almost painfully pressed together. He braced himself on his elbows and kissed Harry deeply, then returned his lips to Harry's neck, kissing, sucking, licking until he was certain there'd be a mark. </p>
<p>"Yes, Severus! Please," Harry begged and Severus was happy to oblige. He slid down Harry's body and raised his legs, exposing his most private places. His puckered opening looked impossibly tight and immeasurably tempting. </p>
<p>He ran his large nose over Harry's balls as he lowered his mouth to his arsehole. He pressed his lips to it, kissing it softly then ghosting his breath over it as Harry shuddered and gripped the bedsheets in his fists. He ran the tip of his tongue around Harry's wrinkled rim, then poked it inside the little hole. </p>
<p>He licked and kissed and sucked for long minutes, his cock growing ever harder, before sucking on one finger and then sliding it, slowly and gently, into Harry. He bit back a groan at the sight of his pale finger disappearing inside Harry's arse. He kissed a lightly haired thigh and worked a second finger in, stretching and loosening that tight ring of muscle. When he was able to scissor them apart, he slipped his tongue between them, knowing he could easily become addicted to the taste of Harry Potter. </p>
<p>When he was able to slide three fingers in, he withdrew and grabbed his wand. He slipped the tip of it into Harry's arse – unnecessary, but arousing – and filled him with lube before sliding back up Harry's gorgeous body, kissing him deeply, and pressing the head of his cock into that tight warm opening.</p>
<p>Babbling his pleasure into Severus' mouth, Harry pressed back against him, driving his cock deeper inside. Severus gasped as he slipped fully into that narrow heat and began thrusting. He reached down and gripped Harry's thick cock, wanking him as he drove into his body. And then Harry was coming, the tightening of his arse around Severus' member pulling his own orgasm out of him. </p>
<p>He collapsed against Harry, then shifted so they were facing each other on their sides. Harry ran his fingers affectionately through Severus' long hair and smiled sleepily at him. "I really like you, Severus," he said, snuggling in close, tucking his curly head beneath Severus' chin. </p>
<p>"I really like you too, Harry," Severus murmured back as they both drifted to sleep, messy but happy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, Severus woke at his usual time. He'd have thought that the night before had been a dream if not for the warm body pressed against him, bronze skin gleaming in the early morning sunlight. </p>
<p>When he shifted, Harry's green eyes opened and peered lazily up at him. "Good morning," he said, his voice thick with sleep.</p>
<p>"Good morning," Severus replied, studying the perfect face in front of his, eyes so similar to the ones he had loved long ago, face so similar to one he had once hated. And yet, he didn't see either of them before him. Not really. The man pressed against him now was all Harry, only Harry, his Harry.</p>
<p>"I need to go check on Albus," Harry said, gently pulling away from Severus and sitting up. "Will you do your stretches so I can watch you while I jog with him?" he asked cheekily, the crooked grin that Severus loved on his face. </p>
<p>"I will do my morning yoga routine," he countered, "and if any wicked boys happen to be watching me, I would say that is entirely on them." </p>
<p>Harry pulled on his own shorts and Severus' discarded t-shirt, never looking away from Severus for too long. "You should know that us wicked boys can't resist temptation, Severus. I'll only stop watching you through the window when I'm at your side."</p>
<p>Severus stood and kissed him, not at all self- conscious of his naked body against Harry's clothed one. "Go on, brat," he said affectionately. "Take care of Albus and I'll see you both later."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Severus spent much of his day in a pleasant haze. He did not mind if people saw him smiling, though he was certain they assumed he had nefarious reasons for it. In a way, they weren't wrong. Their greasy old dungeon bat had fallen for their Saviour. There was nothing perverse about it, really, but he was certain they wouldn't see it that way. </p>
<p>Not that he cared. He hadn't minded what they thought of him before, so he certainly wouldn't mind now that he was on his way to having everything he'd ever desired. </p>
<p>Throughout his day, he considered all of this and decided that it was a good thing. Harry was showing him how to be more the man that he truly was inside. Perhaps he didn't need to look out the window any longer. Perhaps knowing that one person believed in him was all he needed to fling the window wide open. </p>
<p>He had potions to brew, potions to bottle, potions to sell. But at the back of his mind, always, was Harry and Albus. He considered ways to prolong Albus' life. Irish wolfhounds, according to his research, were notoriously short-lived, but he felt certain that he could remedy that. He knew now that he cared because Harry and Albus were quickly becoming like family to him. He knew that he may be getting ahead of himself, but he couldn't help picturing them all together in the future, maybe moving away from the Alley. Living somewhere green, where Albus could run and Harry could fly. Somewhere green, where they'd all be happy together. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That afternoon, when Harry met him beneath the awning, he stood close, the dog on Severus' other side rather than between them, separating them. Severus lit a cigarette and placed it between Harry's lips. The smoke from their mouths twined together in the air, just as their fingers did in the small space between their bodies. </p>
<p>A group of children ran, laughing, down Diagon Alley. </p>
<p>Severus Snape and Harry Potter watched them as they laughed, clutching orange bags from the Weasley's shop. </p>
<p>"Do you think we've ever been that happy, Sev?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>Severus buried his fingers in Albus' fur, briefly squeezed Harry's hand, and said, "Honestly, Harry, I believe that we have."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This work is part of the 2020 Harry Potter Cross Gen Fest. The author will be revealed at the end of August.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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